Monday, January 5, 2009

A or B

so im on episode 223 of "One Piece", it's a good show. unfortunately, it is currently my escape method. dad still hasnt gotten my pills, which just heightens the sadness really. i finally got rid of that blasted pinkeye, but my eyesight seems permanently damaged, and i really need to get into an eye doctor soon so i can stop these headaches fromn lack of sight -___-

Taco finally died, which is odd, because he was still alive when i got back from my 9 day excursion with David. he waited until after i had cleaned his house, added new rocks (that were clean) and fed him. maybe it was the rocks? or maybe he just didnt like the evangelion figurine i set next to him, pointing a knife in his direction ^^;

im just sorta sad, the whole trip with David was amazing, so amazing in fact that i dont know that i can go another 6 months without him. dad doesnt care if i leave japan early, and i could easily live with David. take some online courses over the summer, then finish my classes to grad in some community college. we even have a beautiful apartment, that we can move into in August, that his mom owns and will most likely sign over to us. our own place... sounds too good to be true.

all ive really been doing for awhile is watching One Piece and sleeping. i feel at a stand-still in japan at the moment and im not sure if i should stay or go.

on the one hand, being here has been my dream for ages, and i love japan, i really do.

on the other, i miss David. he is my future and my reason to keep kicking. i also feel satisfied with my stay in japan, and am worried that it will only drag from here on in.

i try to plan things to do with my friends, but at the last minute they all back out. coming up with some plan they "made a month ago" that they had forgotten about. i dont hold it against any of them, i just feel like i've overstayed my welcome. besides, alot of them are leaving soon as well.

i feel like if i stay, i might regret it. but if i leave, i might regret it.

also, it doesnt help that dad is trying to sell his motorcycle, his car broke down, hes trying to get his salesmans' liscence back (so he can stay at work late at night and sell cars for commission, since he ha to take a pay cut).

its all just so sad...

so what would you choose?

A : stay with your dream and see it through, tough it out like you always do?

- or -

B: give in because the times have changed, and what would really make you the happiest is to have someone to take care of, and to take care of you...


1 comment:

S. B. Prime said...

I can only speak for myself, truthfully, but I have always been one to grasp for those dreams, whatsoever they may be.

And, you and I are very much alike. I think I know what you'll do. :-)